Before you have children, make sure your relationship with your spouse is
healthy and stable and you have good skills in place for resolving conflict.
Having children means more decisions to be made and more chances for
disagreement. If you separate and/or divorce, more decisions must be made at a time when you may have bad feelings about your spouse. Being prepared
with good conflict-resolution skills and knowing how to find help if you can’t
resolve the conflict on your own will make things easier for your children.
Work with your spouse to make sure that both of you have strong, positive
relationships with your children and that both of you are involved in parenting
while you are together. Make it a priority to maintain the children’s relationship with both of you. [Note: Washington law supports children having strong, continued relationships with both parents. However, it also recognizes there may be circumstances where, because of domestic violence, substance abuse, a parent’s abusive use of conflict or other parenting problems, a parent’s time with a child may need to be limited.]
If you divorce or separate, make sure you have a support system and
encourage your spouse to have one, too. You and your spouse should not use
your children as a source of support. Remember your children’s well-being is
tied to the well-being of both of their parents. Anything you do that harms the
other parent also harms your children.
Decide how you and your spouse will communicate and resolve conflicts
regarding the children after the divorce or separation. Do not use the children
as go-betweens or messengers or involve them in adult conflicts about
parenting, child support, or other issues related to your divorce.
If you separate or divorce, make sure there is an adequate child support order in place so the children have adequate support in the home(s) where they are
residing. And, if you are the parent paying child support, make sure you pay
your child support regularly and on time.
What is a parenting plan?
A parenting plan is a legal document that explains the basic arrangements for
caring for children, including where the children will live, who will make decisions for the children, and how disputes about the parenting arrangements will be resolved. The term “custody” is not used in Washington State. Instead, both parents usually share responsibility for their children.
Typically, the children will live with one parent for the majority of time. Sometimes, the children will live with each parent for equal amounts of time. The parenting arrangements depend upon what is best for the children. In Washington, the law requires that parenting arrangements encourage each parent to maintain a loving, stable, and nurturing relationship with the children, taking into account each child’s developmental level and the family's social and economic circumstances. There is no one parenting plan that is best for all children.
When do parents need a parenting plan?
If a married couple has children together and then separates, a court orders a
parenting plan as part of their divorce, legal separation, or parenting plan
modification.
How does a court decide where the children will live?
Most separating parents agree on parenting arrangements for their children. If
separating parents voluntarily agree on arrangements, the court will usually
approve their agreement. Agreed parenting arrangements still have to be in the children’s best interests. When separating parents cannot agree, a court will make the decision. The general standard the court uses to make that decision is “the best interests of the children.”
Other factors include the relationship of the children to each parent, the emotional and developmental needs of the children, the past performance of parenting functions by each parent, the potential for each parent to perform parenting functions in the future, and whether there have been any serious parenting problems. If there are no serious problems, the factor that is given the greatest weight by the court is the relative strength, nature, and stability of the child's relationship with each parent.
What if there have been serious parenting problems?
If one or both parents have serious problems that affect their ability to parent, the court must consider these problems when making parenting arrangements for the children. These problems include child abuse or neglect, domestic violence, substance abuse, impairments that interfere with a parent’s ability to care for a child, withholding the child from the other parent without good cause, or abandonment of the children. Sometimes, the court has to restrict a parent’s time with the children. These restrictions can include limiting the time a parent can spend with a child, and often include requiring a treatment or educational program to help the parent with the problem. If a parent is a convicted sex offender, the court almost always has to prohibit that parent from having time with the children.
Can children decide where they want to live?
In Washington, adults decide where children will live. A court may consider a
child’s wishes only if the child is old enough and mature enough. There is no
magic age for a child to be mature enough to state his or her choice. Generally, courts do not want children to be involved in making these decisions.
What does a guardian ad litem do in a divorce?
A court may appoint a qualified person to represent the children’s best interests in a divorce or legal separation. That person, called a guardian ad litem, investigates the situation and makes a recommendation to the court about what would be best for the children. Each court keeps a registry of individuals who are qualified to serve as guardians ad litem in that county.
A court order spells out the duties, responsibilities, and fee arrangements for a
guardian ad litem. In most divorces, a guardian ad litem is not needed.
What if there is disagreement about how to follow a parenting plan?
Once the court signs a parenting plan, both parents are required to follow it. For example, a parent may not refuse to allow the other parent to see the children just because that parent has not paid child support. A parenting plan usually includes the method parents are to use to resolve disputes about parenting issues. That method may be arbitration, mediation, counseling, or court action. It is often best, and sometimes required, to use the specified dispute resolution method before going to court.
Mediation to resolve parenting plan issues is usually not appropriate if there has been a history of domestic violence. Mediation may be ordered as the dispute resolution method but only if the victim requests it and the court finds it is appropriate under the circumstances. That parent is permitted to have a
supporting person present during the mediation session.
What about contempt of court?
If a parent interferes with the other parent’s rights to see the children, the parent may be found in contempt of court. If a parent is found in contempt, the court could order jail time, fines, or some other type of punishment. It is important to know that if a parent is found in contempt more than once in a three-year period, the court can use that as grounds to change the parenting arrangements, including which parent the child lives with.
How do parents change a parenting plan?
Sometimes one or both of the parents want to modify (change) the final parenting plan. It is often not easy to make a major change to a parenting plan, especially if both parents do not agree. An example of a major modification is changing where the children live the majority of the time (changing from the father’s home to the mother’s home, or from the mother’s home to the father’s home). If both parents agree to the major modification and the court finds that the modification is in the best interest of the children, the court will grant the request. Without such an agreement, the court will allow a major modification only in limited instances.
It is not enough that the parent wanting the change thinks that his or her life has improved so much that the children should now live with him or her. Because major modifications of parenting plans are complicated and difficult, advice from an attorney can be helpful and is often needed.
Minor changes can be made more easily, but only if the court finds it to be in the children's best interests. Parents often agree on minor changes, such as the length of vacations or when the children’s time with the other parent will start or end.
What is the Relocation Act?
A parent with whom the children live most of the time must follow laws, called the Relocation Act, when the parent wants to relocate children to a different residence (changing where children live). The Relocation Act can be found by searching for “relocation act” at the Legislature’s Web site www.leg.wa.gov. Adults have a constitutional right to move their place of residence. Courts can, however, order adults not to move their minor children.
This law only applies to parents who are no longer together and have a court ordered parenting plan. The Relocation Act has many requirements and is
complicated. It is important to understand your rights and responsibilities under the Relocation Act.
How can a parent move with children?
If a parent wants to move with the children, that parent must notify the other
parent. How and when notice of the move is given depends on many things,
including when the move will take place, how long the parent has known about the move, whether domestic violence or other dangerous situations exist, and many other factors. If the move is outside of the children’s current school district, the other parent can object to the move. There is a presumption that the move will be allowed, but the decision is made by the court based on many factors. The court will also decide what changes are needed to the parenting plan if the move is allowed.
How does the other parent object to the move?
If the other parent objects to a move, that parent must file an objection within days of the date the notice is received. That objection is a request for a parenting plan modification. Then the court will decide whether the move will be allowed.
The objecting parent can’t simply ask that the move not be allowed. A relocation case is usually also a parenting plan modification if the move is to a different school district.
What if the other parent does not object to the move?
If the other parent does not object to the relocation, and both parents agree on a new schedule for visitation, then the issue is resolved and the moving parent can relocate with the children. If the other parent does not object to the move, but the parents disagree on a new visitation schedule, the custodial parent can move with the children and either parent may file a court action to change the parenting plan at any time.
What if the move is due to violence or threat of violence?
The Relocation Act has different requirements for notice if violence or the threat of violence is the reason for the move. The safety of the children is the main concern in these situations, but if the other parent objects, the court will decide if the move will be allowed or if it will be permanent if the move has already taken place.
What if a parent doesn’t follow the Relocation Law?
Failure to give proper notice or failure to properly object will usually have very
serious consequences. The court may order the return of the children. The
other parent can lose the right to object if that parent misses the deadline for
objecting. It is very important to get legal advice about relocation or objecting to relocation as soon as you learn about the situation.